Deutschpop

As many of you know, I took nine years of German. In a recent effort to regain some of it, I've been watching German TV shows (or switching the audio into German), I changed the language on my phone to German (which has taken some getting used to), and I've been listening to German pop. The last has been by far the easiest to get used to. I've found a few great songs that I thought I'd share will you all.

My absolute current favorite is Je ne parle pas français by Namika. The original is here; the Beatgees remix is here; and the remix featuring Black M, a French rapper, is here. Each version is fun and upbeat. The remix with Black M is the most interesting because of the inclusion of French. The general point of the song is that the narrator can't speak French but would like the person speaking to them to continue because "alles, was du so erzählst Hört sich irgendwie nice an," which is, roughly, "everything you say somehow sounds nice." The best line comes near the end: "doch die Sprache, die wir sprechen Die verstehen nur wir zwei." I like this song because of the grammatical structure. Generally it is "but the language that we speak, only the two of us understand." Each "die" in the lines refers to "die Sprache" (the language) and becomes a pronoun. It's hard to explain in English but it makes me happy.

Liebe auf Repeat by Laurenz is another song that has quite a few remixes, but the original can be found here. It's about how relationships end and then a new one starts. I don't have any fun grammar notes for this one. I just really like it. My favorite part, if I have to choose, is the hook: "mach mich kaputt und setz mich wieder zusammen und wenn's zu Ende geht. Fang ich wieder an"--"break me apart and put me back together and at the end, I begin again."

The first song I heard when I started doing this was Leiser by LEA (here). You think it's going to be a fun pop song. Instead, you get so much more. "Leiser" means quieter. The narrator sings about how her friends say she is quieter and ask if she is happy since she started dating the other person. Two of the lines, "leiser, seit ich bei dir bin" ("quieter since I'm with you") and "Fragen, ob ich glüchlich bin" ("ask whether I'm happy"), are my favorite. They sound nice when spoken and they include "seit" and "ob" which I especially like.

Warum Nicht by Robert Redweik (here) is what I believe the kids call a Mood. It translates to "Why Not" and is about taking chances because you don't have anything to lose. This is advise that is always helpful--as my parents tell me, "the worst they can say is 'no.'" Three more notes on this song. One: in the middle of the second verse, this line happens: "Gesagt, getan, gelaufen / alle Zweifel ignoriert." In English: "said, done, ran / ignore all doubts." I think it sounds cool but also has three past tense verbs in a row, which is neat. Two: at the beginning of the third verse is "Hätte, könnte, wollte, würde Müssen wir dann erstmal sehen," which is "to have been, to be able to, to want to, to be going to do / first we must see," includes five verbs, including three modal verbs, in Subjunctive II. Three: my favorite set of lines is, "Einfach mal probieren und warum nicht was haben wir zu verlieren" ("Simply try it once and why not what do we have to lose").


Here are some others to check out!
Vielleicht by Miwata (here)-- "Maybe"

Für Immer by Max Giesinger (here)-- "Forever"

Sowieso by Mark Forster (here)-- "Anyway"

Ich trink auf dich by Mark Forster (here) -- "I drink to you"

Bauch und Kopf by Mark Forster (here) -- "Stomach and head"

Weck mich nicht auf by Kayef (here) --"Don't wake me up"

Gotham City by Antje Schomaker (here) -- Including the lines: "you aren't Batman, I'm not Gotham City, I think I'll be fine without you."

Deja Vu by Mike Singer (here)

Chöre by Mark Forster (here)-- "Choir"

Sag einfach ja by Tim Bendzko (here)-- "Just say yes"

Ich will dich vermissen by Namika (here)-- "I want to miss you"

All of my thoughts on these songs are from the grammar I learn from a few years ago and with the aid of one of my grammar books. If I got something wrong, or you have any thoughts, let me know!

Summer in the City

Hello all! It has been a super long time since I've posted. Life has gotten away from me a bit these last few months. I've not been doing much except working. I took a two week vacation at the beginning of May, which was wonderful. Other than that, I've been trying to figure out what's next. It's not an easy question to answer.

In the meantime, I thought I'd put up some pics from my vacation.

This is the official headwaters of the Mississippi River in Minnesota--where Lake Itasca turns becomes the mighty Mississippi. It was my first time there. There are very few places that make me think I could be and outdoorsy person. This is one of them.

It was rather brisk when we were at Lake Itasca, but, of course, I had to cross the Mississippi by foot when I was there. It was excellent. I recommend it for everyone.

Lake Itasca is quite beautiful, in my completely unbiased opinion.

The Supreme Court in the morning is radiant.

DC is full of museums, sometimes you get to a shot like this.

President Obama's official portrait.

Golden Hour at Nationals Park. Home is where the baseball is.

One of my best friends sent me this quality life advice: "Live in the moment. Unless you don't like the moment in which case eat biscuits."

Speaking of best friends and home, in just over a month, I will be returning Home (2nd Home, but Home nonetheless)! I will be back in York for a week for the wedding of two of my best friends. It's been more than three and a half years since I was last there, and since I've last seen all but one of my friends there. Surely a good time will have been had by all. If I can make it through the next 33 days of DC heat, I will be Home.

Thoughts on The Greatest Showman

Hi all! I’ve not written in a while, but things in my life are moving along. I haven’t done anything terribly exciting. The most exciting thing has been seeing the red panda at the National Zoo, where she was actually running around. Next week I am seeing Something Rotten! with a friend and then I’m going the NYC to see my sister for President’s Day. I might do an update about fun things after that. General warning about the rest of this post: here be spoilers.

January turns out to have been the month I saw a lot of movies. I saw Proud Mary, I, Tonya, The Post, and The Greatest Showman. The first two I saw because I had Martin Luther King Jr. Day off which made for a lot time to fill and I’m trying to see/watch more media about, starring, and made by women. Proud Mary was excellent. Taraji P. Henson was superb. I could have watched another hour of her running the show. It was slightly more of an action film than I was expecting, but if we can have a million more action films starring women, I will like action films more. I, Tonya was also excellent. Although I was alive when part of the story takes place, I don’t remember any of it. Alison Janney and Margot Robbie were, as Henson was, superb. Janney is amazing in everything I see her in. This is the first time I really saw Robbie, and I was delighted. The Post, as I’m sure you can guess, was excellent. There were some elements that my historian brain questioned, but overall it was compelling, beautifully shot, had a great score, and was funny. Despite the fact that I know the Washington Post is still in business and that the Pentagon Papers were published, I found myself on the edge of my seat. If you haven’t seen any of these films yet, run, don’t walk, to you nearest cinema!

This brings me to the most recent film I saw: The Greatest Showman. Starring Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, and Zendaya, this musical film is about P.T. Barnum’s creation of his circus. The point of my discussion here is not historical accuracy—that is someone else’s job. Briefly, the plot starts with Barnum as a child, the son of a tailor, and quickly tracks his growth to a member of the middle class married to a girl from a wealthy family he knew as a child. After losing his job, he gets a loan and starts a museum, which quickly evolves to what we know as the circus. Trying to reach the upper classes Barnum takes unnecessary risks, faces ruin, and realizes his follies. We are left with a happy ending for all (which is almost never going to last). The music is fantastic and catchy. And I, for one, hope Hugh Jackman continues to do musicals instead of action films.

As I said, my purpose is not historical accuracy. Today, I am writing about the depiction of capitalism, gender, race, and class within The Greatest Showman as a film watched by modern audiences. My discussion is going to weave the character’s experiences with a meta discussion of those experiences.

One of the most striking themes throughout the film is Barnum’s pursuit of wealth and social standing. This pursuit leads him to ruin. Watching him succeed and fail, we, the audience, can spot his moments of folly—the places he could easily turn back. Much like a tragic hero, Barnum is genre savvy, but, like Hamlet and Othello before him, his story is of a different genre. After striving to become part of the middle class from his working class origin, Barnum continually works to be part of the upper class. This striving comes from a need to prove himself to his wife’s parents. He succeeds in attaining wealth and some measure of notoriety.

Pursuit of his father-in-law’s approval ultimately leads Barnum into folly. In her book The March of Folly: From Troy to Vietnam, Barbara Tuchman defines folly as “the pursuit of policy contrary to the self-interest of the constituency or state involved. Self-interest is whatever conduces to the welfare or advantage of the body being governed” (6). Tuchman is concerned with state’s governments on a large scale, but the circus is a form state. It is lead by a person who is responsible for the welfare of its population. Therefore, the cross-country tour by Jenny Lind is folly, a point made by Philip Carlyle. He says, “You’re risking everything you’ve built.” To which Barnum responds, “Well, how do you think I built it?” Barnum assumes that the risk is worth the potential reward because it worked once. He doesn’t like to Carlyle, who he hired because of Carlyle’s access to posh society. Luckily for Barnum, his failure to recognize his folly does not end in death for himself or anyone close to him as it does with true tragic heroes.

However, his folly is made much more obvious and frustrating by the fact that he is simultaneously trying to fit into posh society, he is trying to create a place for those shunned by society more generally. At one point, he says, “Well they’re laughing anyway, kid, so you might as well get paid.” Capitalist society shuns non-normative bodies; Barnum recruits those same bodies to turn a profit in that society. Barnum is also trying to bring joy to people’s lives—as evidenced by his interactions with the newspaper critic, James Gordon Bennett, and Carlyle. Throughout the story, he seems to embrace this joy and distance himself from it. In the end, Barnum learns his lesson: that money and fame don’t provide fulfillment the way relationships with other people do.

Just as Barnum works to find purpose and use within capitalism, so too do the performers find belonging. They all find meaning in being able to earn a living, do something they enjoy or are good at, and find folks who were similarly shunned. Many of their bodies are non-normative. They don’t fit within the mold prescribed by capitalism and rejected by society. Lettie Lutz, the bearded woman, is hidden within the laundry where Barnum finds her. Charles Stratton, Tom Thumb, is hidden by his mother. Anne and W.D. Wheeler are black performers in a world that only truly accepts white performers. Despite the fact that Barnum essentially abandons this group during his ill-conceived misadventure with Lind, they stay with the show, and with him. The circus gives them a home and, although they are spectacles, they find purpose. Again, this is within capitalism, but alternative forms of kinship provide the performers a home they never had: “You don’t get it Barnum, it’s not about the money. Our own mothers were ashamed of us, they hid us our whole lives.” Lutz’s point is that the profitability of the show holds less importance to the performers than their value as individuals to each other and the show. At the end, when all seems lost, the performers help bolster Barnum after the fire burns the theater and bankruptcy threatens to end the entire show. At the end of the movie, Barnum brings back his circus, this time under the big top tent we all recognize, he prioritizes his family over wealth. The last picture of Barnum we are presented with is with Charity watching their daughters’ ballet performance. His new measure of wealth is time spent watching his daughters grow up.

Contrarily to Barnum, Carlyle escapes the class he was born into. The pursuit of wealth does not add to his life. During “The Other Side,” when Barnum is persuading Carlyle to join him, the emptiness of the lives of the rich becomes apparent. Carlyle is hesitant at first, but after he commits himself to the circus, and the people who make it, he does his best. It takes him a while to completely reject the norms of post society, but he eventually does so—and ends up happy. Of course, to learn his lesson fully, he almost has to die. Just before the climactic tragedy, Carlyle confronts his father: “Father the world is changing, and I refuse to be a part of yours.” This allows him to fully integrate himself into the circus.

A further point of conflict within Barnum’s narrative is his goal of bringing joy to people who are stuck in misery while he himself is trying to attain entre into the society he sees as miserable. This illustrates one of the dichotomies of the middle class. Attainment of any level of success is almost nullified by the pursuit of more. There is an argument that the middle class does not actually exist; it is simply the most successful of the working class pretending to have more wealth than they actually do. The middle class is one tragedy away from poverty. We see this twice within this film. Near the beginning, Barnum works in an office for a trading company. When the company loses its ships and must declare bankruptcy, the Barnum family is in peril. Borrowing money from the bank by pretending to own the ships that his former company lost, Barnum creates the circus. Later, his folly compounds the tragedy of the fire at the theater. Without his folly, the circus could possibly have rebuilt, but still would have needed to borrow money to do so.

A final theme throughout the film is the importance of fantasy. Barnum’s circus originates in his desire to build “a place where people can see things they’ve never seen before.” Fantasy and reality are interwoven. Fantasies can be over the top spectacles; they are improbably situations that pull at the edges of reality. The edge of our imagination is the edge of reality. By imagining something we imbue it with realness. Barnum’s circus is filled with improbably people with spectacular abilities. The world created within the circus becomes a place of fantasy in resistance to and support of the outside reality. The fantasy resists the outside world in that everyone is accepted, the performers make their own family, and non-normative bodies are accepted for what they can do. But the circus also supports the outside world by allowing an escape that in physically enclosed, where folks can enjoy a distraction without critically endangering the system.

Ultimately, the circus and the film provide joy and distraction to their audiences, wherever they come from. It does not argue for an end to capitalism, which is for the best, as the general audience would not believe that. It does, however, argue that there is space within capitalism for fantasy and the creation of alternative forms of kinship, which provide sanctuary from a world working to kill you. As audience members, then, we are invited into a physically enclosed space, to enjoy a performance like we’ve never seen, to be distracted and diverted, before leaving the theater to return to our ordinary lives. Fissures exist within our reality as they exist within the reality of the film. We can find our own spaces to resist capitalism (especially the racist, sexist, hetero-normative capitalism of contemporary American society). While we may not be able to topple the system, by exploiting the cracks and living in moments of fantasy, it is possible to find home.

Party of One

Hey Friends!

Time has flown recently... in a way that has completely shocked me. Not much has changed since I last posted. Work is still alright. This week we are doing an event off-site which means for two days I'm pretty much holding the fort alone and the other three I get to take a field trip to Maryland. I'm also working on my PhD applications, which is stressful in a way that I simultaneously hate and love. (Academia take me back.)

Instead of talking about either of those things in more detail, I'm instead going to write about being alone.

Since I graduated from high school almost nine years ago, I've done a lot of things--many of them alone. As an introvert, I am quite happy being alone. But it has been a process. Moving to Sioux Falls to go to Augie was the biggest thing I'd ever done and it quickly proved to be a great decision. As almost everyone does, I made friends at college. Great people who I've enjoyed spending time with. But I started alone.

As many of you know, after Augie, I moved across half a continent and an ocean to get a MA at the University of York. I met my favorite people in the world, learned a lot about history and the world, and even more about myself. (If you want to know more about my time there, I wrote a fair bit then.) With my friends, my people, I gained a greater understanding of faith, learned about Burns Night, found myself, fell in love with country walks, and saw the sun rise at 4am. But I started alone.

After a year at home, I moved to Boston, for another MA at Simmons. A move that, like the others, changed my life. I made more friends, more favorite people on my now full best friend tier. What I learned in Boston ranged from how to pull a perfect shot of espresso to the embedded racist-capitalist patriarchy in this country. I shared a lot of time with friends--commiserating at being underemployed and not understanding theory. But I started alone.

Four months ago, when I moved to DC, I did so alone. I've made some friends here and gone on adventures, which I've yet to write about. Some of my favorite adventures I've undertaken alone. This past week, I saw Straight No Chaser live.

Many of you might know them from their 12 Days of Christmas melody that went viral ten years ago. I definitely recommend you check them out. Going alone let me enjoy the music uninterrupted, unlike the people around me who occasionally chatted. There was only one moment when I regretted being solo: during the meet-and-greet after the concert when I could either get my ticket signed by all of the guys or take pictures. This wasn't actually a decision. Of course I got my ticket signed. But other people could have one person get autographs and the other get pictures of it happening. In the grand scheme of things, this doesn't actually matter. But it's one of those thoughts that run through your head when you go places alone. My experience was not tarnished because of my alone-ness, it was heightened. I was able to watch in my own bubble. To take pictures and videos to capture moments from my point of view. I was not truly alone, but I alone have my memory of the concert.

Throughout this post, I've had a refrain of "but I started alone." This stems from a conversation I had with my mother the other week. I talked about relying on myself. And she mentioned that no one is truly alone and that "it takes a village" and "no man an island" and whatnot. Well, yeah ma. Duh. But that's hardly the point. I'm never actually alone and I have a rather large support network that spans continents. But without trusting myself and knowing that I have me, I wouldn't do half the things I do. I may not be alone, but in a city where I have at most two friends, going to a concert alone is pretty much a necessity if I want to go at all. Big stuff most definitely requires a village. But for the everyday things? I have me.

This is not supposed to be a sad post, but rather a reflective one. I text or message with my best friends all the time. My family's group chat is the most active it's every been. I have a village. But I am comfortable with myself. With being alone. I am my own best friend, wise counsel, whatever. I have support, but as with many things, support starts at home. I am my own home.

I guess my point here is that since 2009, I've learned a lot about myself and about feeling comfortable with who I want to be. It's been a process which I am certain is not over. I'm still anxious about taking risks (see PhD applications) or about trying to get what I want--that's probably never going to go away. Those are big things, what I like to refer to as "jumping off a cliff." For the everyday stuff? I'm a very successful party of one.

Listening to History

One of the hardest parts of not being in school for me is not having a dedicated time and place for academic learning. I'm trying to start reading academic texts, but I've got a backlog of for-fun reading (as one does) that I'm trying to get through. Soon, I hope, I'll be all caught up and can check out GW's library.

Every day, though, for at least part of my commute, I've been listening to Dan Snow's History Hit podcast. I've listened to the oldest ones off and on since last Christmas, but I'm working through them quickly. Which is great because there are new ones all the time. If I every catch completely up, there are at least two other history-related podcasts that I can listen to (Art Detective and Histories of the Unexpected, if you're interested). 

Honestly, I didn't really understand the draw of podcasts until this year. Between this one and the political one I listen to (Hellbent, if you're interested), I feel more connected to communities outside of my physical location. And I can't say how important this is for me. Not only do I get to learn about historical events and places outside of my own interests (the Terracotta Army in China or most of Naval warfare), I get to hear historians, and the occasional non-historian, talking about what they love. Hearing someone talk about their passion is probably one of my top five interpersonal interactions.  (A few days after starting this post, I was listening to a episode with a couple other historians, Drs. Sam Willis and James Daybell, and I was so entertained and happy hearing them talk about what they are doing and why they are doing it.)

What I love may not be what I am currently employed in, but I hope it is someday. Because when passion and work meet, careers are born. And I know I will have to work extremely hard to get there, but I want to be the kind of academic I listen to on History Hit.

A final note is this short clip from one of the most recent episodes, which I've not actually listened to yet (because I'm a tad late to the party as it were), but it sums up a lot of what I find valuable in studying history.

New City, New Adventures

As most of you know, in July I moved to Washington, DC to start a new job.

I'm the Customer Service Coordinator with The George Washington University and Textile Museum. What this actually means is that I work most of the time with retail operations and part of the time as the museum's receptionist. My work with retail operations is similar to an assistant manager (I think). I'm liking it so far. It's a little slow at the museum right now because we are between large exhibitions. In September, two more will open and programming will pick up. This means I'm learning the ropes when its quiet.

So far I've done a few touristy things--like going to most of the Smithsonian museums my first week here. However, I still want to go back to the Holocaust Museum, get tickets for the National Museum of African American History and Culture (which is hard to get tickets for), walk the Mall, and go to a baseball game. I'm waiting a bit till its not a million degrees everyday.

As far as long term plans go, I'm working on prepping to apply to PhD programs in the fall. Including doing GRE prep--which essentially means relearning geometry and algebra. A lot of this work includes looking into faculty members at various institutions whose research interests are the same/similar to mine. I also have to figure out a research statement, a personal statement, and a writing sample.

That's pretty much all that I've been up to lately. I'm going to try to do a pictures update soon with pics from Boston and DC.

Post-Grad School Thoughts

Hello friends! It's been a few months since I've written anything. Partially because I've been very busy with finishing school. Partially because I don't have much new to say. The vast majority of my last semester was filled with my thesis, which turned out well thankfully.

My thesis was on the importance of historical depth in gender theory and socialist feminism. I've probably written about it before, so I won't go into too much depth at this point. (If you want to know more, let me know, I can talk for hours about it.) My research, however, has made some of the current political discussions on the left majorly aggravating. Bernie Sanders' continued prevalence in discussions of Democratic Party strategy despite his loss and non-membership point to a continued problem on the left: sexism. Many people still "follow" him, especially young people like me, which is a whole other kettle of fish. But none of the special election candidates he's supported have won. Recently (OK like 2 months ago now), he stated that he didn't think Democratic candidates had to be pro-choice. Mister "Democratic Socialism" is neglecting that reproductive health is an economic issue. But this is unsurprising given that (white) men on the left almost always make economic equality come before gender or racial equality. This is never going to work. Because, spoiler alert, it hasn't yet worked. I saw this piece recently, which is essentially my larger point. This isn't just a Sanders problem. This is a societal problem. To be effective, the Democrats/the Left need to be committed to ending racial, gender, and economic oppression simultaneously. History has taught us that no other option exists.

I'll step off my soapbox now. As for my other class, Postwar Europe, I wrote a paper on the problems of translating French feminist philosophy--namely Simone de Beauvoir. I've also been working a lot, which is going to increase for the time being. I'm not sure what the next few months will bring, but it will probably be interesting!