Party of One

Hey Friends!

Time has flown recently... in a way that has completely shocked me. Not much has changed since I last posted. Work is still alright. This week we are doing an event off-site which means for two days I'm pretty much holding the fort alone and the other three I get to take a field trip to Maryland. I'm also working on my PhD applications, which is stressful in a way that I simultaneously hate and love. (Academia take me back.)

Instead of talking about either of those things in more detail, I'm instead going to write about being alone.

Since I graduated from high school almost nine years ago, I've done a lot of things--many of them alone. As an introvert, I am quite happy being alone. But it has been a process. Moving to Sioux Falls to go to Augie was the biggest thing I'd ever done and it quickly proved to be a great decision. As almost everyone does, I made friends at college. Great people who I've enjoyed spending time with. But I started alone.

As many of you know, after Augie, I moved across half a continent and an ocean to get a MA at the University of York. I met my favorite people in the world, learned a lot about history and the world, and even more about myself. (If you want to know more about my time there, I wrote a fair bit then.) With my friends, my people, I gained a greater understanding of faith, learned about Burns Night, found myself, fell in love with country walks, and saw the sun rise at 4am. But I started alone.

After a year at home, I moved to Boston, for another MA at Simmons. A move that, like the others, changed my life. I made more friends, more favorite people on my now full best friend tier. What I learned in Boston ranged from how to pull a perfect shot of espresso to the embedded racist-capitalist patriarchy in this country. I shared a lot of time with friends--commiserating at being underemployed and not understanding theory. But I started alone.

Four months ago, when I moved to DC, I did so alone. I've made some friends here and gone on adventures, which I've yet to write about. Some of my favorite adventures I've undertaken alone. This past week, I saw Straight No Chaser live.

Many of you might know them from their 12 Days of Christmas melody that went viral ten years ago. I definitely recommend you check them out. Going alone let me enjoy the music uninterrupted, unlike the people around me who occasionally chatted. There was only one moment when I regretted being solo: during the meet-and-greet after the concert when I could either get my ticket signed by all of the guys or take pictures. This wasn't actually a decision. Of course I got my ticket signed. But other people could have one person get autographs and the other get pictures of it happening. In the grand scheme of things, this doesn't actually matter. But it's one of those thoughts that run through your head when you go places alone. My experience was not tarnished because of my alone-ness, it was heightened. I was able to watch in my own bubble. To take pictures and videos to capture moments from my point of view. I was not truly alone, but I alone have my memory of the concert.

Throughout this post, I've had a refrain of "but I started alone." This stems from a conversation I had with my mother the other week. I talked about relying on myself. And she mentioned that no one is truly alone and that "it takes a village" and "no man an island" and whatnot. Well, yeah ma. Duh. But that's hardly the point. I'm never actually alone and I have a rather large support network that spans continents. But without trusting myself and knowing that I have me, I wouldn't do half the things I do. I may not be alone, but in a city where I have at most two friends, going to a concert alone is pretty much a necessity if I want to go at all. Big stuff most definitely requires a village. But for the everyday things? I have me.

This is not supposed to be a sad post, but rather a reflective one. I text or message with my best friends all the time. My family's group chat is the most active it's every been. I have a village. But I am comfortable with myself. With being alone. I am my own best friend, wise counsel, whatever. I have support, but as with many things, support starts at home. I am my own home.

I guess my point here is that since 2009, I've learned a lot about myself and about feeling comfortable with who I want to be. It's been a process which I am certain is not over. I'm still anxious about taking risks (see PhD applications) or about trying to get what I want--that's probably never going to go away. Those are big things, what I like to refer to as "jumping off a cliff." For the everyday stuff? I'm a very successful party of one.

Listening to History

One of the hardest parts of not being in school for me is not having a dedicated time and place for academic learning. I'm trying to start reading academic texts, but I've got a backlog of for-fun reading (as one does) that I'm trying to get through. Soon, I hope, I'll be all caught up and can check out GW's library.

Every day, though, for at least part of my commute, I've been listening to Dan Snow's History Hit podcast. I've listened to the oldest ones off and on since last Christmas, but I'm working through them quickly. Which is great because there are new ones all the time. If I every catch completely up, there are at least two other history-related podcasts that I can listen to (Art Detective and Histories of the Unexpected, if you're interested). 

Honestly, I didn't really understand the draw of podcasts until this year. Between this one and the political one I listen to (Hellbent, if you're interested), I feel more connected to communities outside of my physical location. And I can't say how important this is for me. Not only do I get to learn about historical events and places outside of my own interests (the Terracotta Army in China or most of Naval warfare), I get to hear historians, and the occasional non-historian, talking about what they love. Hearing someone talk about their passion is probably one of my top five interpersonal interactions.  (A few days after starting this post, I was listening to a episode with a couple other historians, Drs. Sam Willis and James Daybell, and I was so entertained and happy hearing them talk about what they are doing and why they are doing it.)

What I love may not be what I am currently employed in, but I hope it is someday. Because when passion and work meet, careers are born. And I know I will have to work extremely hard to get there, but I want to be the kind of academic I listen to on History Hit.

A final note is this short clip from one of the most recent episodes, which I've not actually listened to yet (because I'm a tad late to the party as it were), but it sums up a lot of what I find valuable in studying history.

New City, New Adventures

As most of you know, in July I moved to Washington, DC to start a new job.

I'm the Customer Service Coordinator with The George Washington University and Textile Museum. What this actually means is that I work most of the time with retail operations and part of the time as the museum's receptionist. My work with retail operations is similar to an assistant manager (I think). I'm liking it so far. It's a little slow at the museum right now because we are between large exhibitions. In September, two more will open and programming will pick up. This means I'm learning the ropes when its quiet.

So far I've done a few touristy things--like going to most of the Smithsonian museums my first week here. However, I still want to go back to the Holocaust Museum, get tickets for the National Museum of African American History and Culture (which is hard to get tickets for), walk the Mall, and go to a baseball game. I'm waiting a bit till its not a million degrees everyday.

As far as long term plans go, I'm working on prepping to apply to PhD programs in the fall. Including doing GRE prep--which essentially means relearning geometry and algebra. A lot of this work includes looking into faculty members at various institutions whose research interests are the same/similar to mine. I also have to figure out a research statement, a personal statement, and a writing sample.

That's pretty much all that I've been up to lately. I'm going to try to do a pictures update soon with pics from Boston and DC.

Post-Grad School Thoughts

Hello friends! It's been a few months since I've written anything. Partially because I've been very busy with finishing school. Partially because I don't have much new to say. The vast majority of my last semester was filled with my thesis, which turned out well thankfully.

My thesis was on the importance of historical depth in gender theory and socialist feminism. I've probably written about it before, so I won't go into too much depth at this point. (If you want to know more, let me know, I can talk for hours about it.) My research, however, has made some of the current political discussions on the left majorly aggravating. Bernie Sanders' continued prevalence in discussions of Democratic Party strategy despite his loss and non-membership point to a continued problem on the left: sexism. Many people still "follow" him, especially young people like me, which is a whole other kettle of fish. But none of the special election candidates he's supported have won. Recently (OK like 2 months ago now), he stated that he didn't think Democratic candidates had to be pro-choice. Mister "Democratic Socialism" is neglecting that reproductive health is an economic issue. But this is unsurprising given that (white) men on the left almost always make economic equality come before gender or racial equality. This is never going to work. Because, spoiler alert, it hasn't yet worked. I saw this piece recently, which is essentially my larger point. This isn't just a Sanders problem. This is a societal problem. To be effective, the Democrats/the Left need to be committed to ending racial, gender, and economic oppression simultaneously. History has taught us that no other option exists.

I'll step off my soapbox now. As for my other class, Postwar Europe, I wrote a paper on the problems of translating French feminist philosophy--namely Simone de Beauvoir. I've also been working a lot, which is going to increase for the time being. I'm not sure what the next few months will bring, but it will probably be interesting!

Thesis Life

Hey all! I've been very busy recently and haven't updated much.

Mostly I've been working--school and coffeeshop. School has been going well. A week or so ago I went to a conference in Albuquerque--the Southwest Popular and American Culture Association. I presented on the paper I wrote last year about material definitions of womanhood in the Fairyland series. I'm taking a class on postwar Europe which is excellent. The professor is also my thesis advisor. My thesis is taking up the majority of my time.

I think I've mentioned my subject, but in case I didn't, I'm combining a historical study and an attempt at expanding socialist feminism. I'm specifically looking at the works of Eleanor Marx, Clara Zetkin, and Alexandra Kollontai. Then I'm looking at a few specific Second Wave and modern theorists/theories of socialist feminism and seeing where there are slippages and gaps and trying to fill them with Marx, Zetkin, and Kollontai. As you can imagine, I spend a lot of time reading, writing, and thinking about socialism. And I have opinions.

Once I finish my thesis (or at least the full draft), I will probably write a longer post about socialist feminism. And it will be longer. Socialism and feminism, let alone the two combined, are both muddled in the US, and they take a lot of untangling to understand. I'll let you all know what I find.