Hearing and Listening

One of my favorite quotes is, "I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant" (Alan Greenspan). It is truly amazing how often this happens. It's like that game "Telephone", where you pass a whispered phrase around a circle and see how close the end result is.

Sometimes, the translation happens because you are saying something to someone who isn't familiar with you. Communicating with strangers is hard because we each have our own specific vernacular. Add in regional pronunciation and vernacular, and sometimes communication is neigh impossible.

Sometimes, you can't articulate your thoughts. This happens to me a lot. And it is very frustrating. Trying to say something, or explain a thought, but not being understood. Knowing the scaffolding behind a statement, but not being able to explain the structure. Referencing a past event, or a piece of information, but not conveying it well.

I don't think anybody responds well to this kind of misunderstanding. I know I don't. I get frustrated easily and when I meet the barrier of understanding, too often I just stop trying. Which is obviously unhelpful. My problem, I think, is that I think what I'm saying, and how it should be understood, is obvious and if the person I'm speaking with doesn't get it, they are doing it on purpose. They aren't most of the time.

That's the difference between hearing and listening. When you simply "hear" what someone says, there is more room for misunderstanding. "I'm hearing you" can mean "I see your point of view and understand it but" or "I hear you making noise in the form of words but". "Listening", I find, has less misinterpretation. If you actually listen to what someone is saying and understand what isn't said, their meaning is clearer.

Listening takes patience and is hard, but it is a worthy endeavor. We have to understand what people are saying and what they mean and why they are saying that. We need to actually care about each other, instead of merely waiting until it is our turn to speak again.